Olivia used to think her relationship was perfect.
Her partner was confident and always seemed so charming.
But lately, things started to feel strange. When she made a small mistake, he would make her feel guilty or question herself.
He often said things like, “You’re remembering it wrong,” making her doubt her own memory.
Little by little, Sarah noticed she was losing her confidence.
On the outside, everything looked fine, but deep down, something didn’t feel right.
It was like she was losing control but couldn’t understand why.
In Sarah’s story, it’s clear that something is wrong, but it’s not easy to pinpoint.
That’s because people with narcissistic traits are often very skilled at hiding their true intentions.
They use subtle psychological tricks to keep control while making you feel like everything is fine.
These tactics can chip away at your self-esteem and leave you questioning your own reality.
It’s important to understand these behaviors so you can spot them early.
If you know what to look for, you can protect yourself, set healthy boundaries, and avoid being manipulated.
Today, we’ll explore the common signs of these tactics and how they work.
1. They Do Love Bombing
At the start of a relationship, a person with narcissistic traits may overwhelm you with attention and affection.
This is called "love bombing."
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They shower you with compliments, gifts, and constant messages, making you feel incredibly special and wanted.
It feels like a dream because they seem to be everything you ever wanted.
However, this isn’t about genuine love; it’s a tactic to gain your trust and make you emotionally dependent on them.
By making you feel like you’re on top of the world, they quickly create a strong bond.
Later, when they start pulling back or acting differently, you may feel confused and crave that same attention.
This cycle is part of their plan to control your emotions and keep you attached to them, even when things start to turn unhealthy.
2. They Do Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a common tactic used by people with narcissistic traits to make you doubt your own thoughts and feelings.
They twist facts or deny things they’ve said or done, even when you clearly remember them.
For example, they might say, “You’re imagining things,” or “I never said that,” when you bring up a past conversation.
Over time, this kind of manipulation can make you question your memory and judgment.
You start feeling confused, wondering if you’re overreacting or remembering things incorrectly.
The goal of gaslighting is to make you feel unsure of yourself, so you rely more on their version of events.
This way, they can control the narrative and make you feel like you’re the one who’s always wrong, keeping you trapped in a cycle of self-doubt.
3. They Execute Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is a tactic often used by people with narcissistic traits to control and manipulate others.
When you upset them or don’t do what they want, they might suddenly go quiet.
Instead of talking about the problem, they ignore you completely.
You might notice they stop replying to your messages or act like you don’t exist when you're around.
This silence isn’t just about cooling off; it’s their way of punishing you.
By refusing to communicate, they make you feel guilty, even if you didn’t do anything wrong.
You start to worry and feel anxious, wondering what you did to upset them.
The silent treatment forces you to chase after them for answers or apologize just to end the discomfort, which gives them power and control over you.
4. They Use Triangulation
Triangulation is a clever trick used by people with narcissistic traits to keep you off balance.
They bring a third person into your relationship, like a friend, ex-partner, or even a family member, to make you feel jealous or insecure.
For example, they might talk about how amazing someone else is or compare you to that person in a way that makes you feel less valued.
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This tactic creates competition, making you feel like you need to fight for their attention or approval.
It’s a way of making you feel small and unsure of your place in their life.
You might find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth or win them back, which gives them even more control over you.
It’s an unfair game that leaves you feeling confused, hurt, and doubting yourself.
5. They Use Projection
Projection is a sneaky tactic used by people with narcissistic traits to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
Instead of admitting their own mistakes, they accuse you of doing the very things they are guilty of.
For example, if they are lying or being unfaithful, they might accuse you of not being honest or trusting.
This can leave you feeling confused and defensive, as you try to prove that you are not at fault.
It’s their way of shifting the blame onto you, making you feel guilty for something you didn’t do.
Over time, this can make you doubt your own actions and even question your own character.
It’s a clever way for them to keep control, while avoiding any accountability for their own bad behavior.
6. Blame Shifting
Blame shifting is a common tactic used by narcissists to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
Instead of owning up to their mistakes, they always find a way to make you feel like it's your fault.
For example, if they say something hurtful, they might blame you for “misunderstanding” them or accuse you of overreacting.
They do this to avoid feeling guilty or dealing with the consequences of their actions.
Over time, this can make you feel like you’re constantly in the wrong, even when you haven’t done anything wrong.
This tactic helps them maintain control, as they avoid taking responsibility and instead make you feel guilty.
It can be exhausting, leaving you constantly second-guessing yourself while they get away with their harmful behavior.
7. They Play the Victim
Narcissists often play the victim to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
They twist situations to make it seem like they are the ones who are wronged, even if they are the ones causing harm.
For example, if you confront them about something they did, they might say, "You’re attacking me for no reason!" or "I’ve been through so much, and now you’re making it worse."
This makes you feel guilty for even bringing up their bad behavior.
By doing this, they gain sympathy and make it harder for you to criticize them.
It also deflects attention away from their actions, putting the focus on themselves.
This tactic can confuse you, making you question if you’re the one being unfair.
It’s a way for them to avoid accountability while keeping control in the relationship.
8. They Use Devaluing and Discarding
Once a narcissist has gained control over you, they may suddenly lose interest or start belittling you.
In the beginning, they made you feel special, but now, they might ignore your needs or make hurtful comments.
They might say things like, "You’re not as interesting as you used to be," or "I don’t think you’re as smart as I thought."
This sudden change can make you feel worthless and confused.
The narcissist devalues you to maintain control and remind you that they hold all the power.
If you try to speak up, they may discard you, either by pushing you away emotionally or physically.
This leaves you feeling rejected and unimportant, even though they were the ones who initially showed interest.
Their goal is to make you feel small so they can keep their hold on the relationship.
Final Thoughts
To sum it up, narcissists use many manipulative tactics to control others, like love bombing, gaslighting, and playing the victim.
They may blame you for their actions, make you feel guilty, or even discard you once they’ve gained control.
It’s important to be aware of these signs so you can protect yourself.
Recognizing these behaviors early can help you set boundaries and avoid getting caught in a toxic relationship.
Always trust your feelings and remember that you deserve respect and care in any relationship.
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